Dealing with my monsters

Yesterday we headed out to the Parco dei Mostri (Monster Park) in Bomarzo. The last time we were there, Giulia was a toddler. Now that she (and Paloma) are older and with Viola being the only toddler who actually prefers toddling about rather than being in the stroller (Giulia was a stroller girl - a bit lazy in that regard), we actually got a chance to enjoy the park. It was nearly sunset as I managed to get us lost on the way there, so it was a bit of a hurried visit, but tell that to children. There's no sense of urgency with them. At one point the others took off to check out one of the many stone "monsters" and Viola and I stayed behind. I watched as she was completely involved in picking up small nuts from the ground and putting them in her coat pocket. One, two, three - soooooo slowly and precisely. Tell her that the park is closing in about 20 minutes? Useless. So I gave in to the moment and just waited, and amazingly - I relaxed.

My birthday was on Friday and Steve and I had initially wanted to go up and spend the weekend near Assisi and visit my friend Rebecca, get a "change of air", but everything was booked so Steve and I decided to spend the day together here instead. We attempted to go to an exhibit - right now there is both a Gauguin and Rothko exhibit, but everything was packed - the city full of even more tourists - lots of Italian tourists because of the holiday weekend. We walked around the Ghetto, went to my favorite erboristeria and then to our favorite restaurant, Trattoria Monti. We happened to run into, Jenifer, The Beehive's official massage therapist, and she along with a friend joined us for lunch.

It was my 41st birthday. One of my sisters, Magda, never admits her age which is a shame because she is 49 (sorry, M) and looks fabulous. I like to rejoice in my age not hide from it. I think it's great that I can look back and think, yup - I've still got those 10 fingers and those 10 toes that my mother so earnestly and apprehensively looked for when I was born that Wednesday evening all those years ago. I've still got that dark hair, I still have those two eyes that looked up at her in blurry adoration. I'm still here. I'm alive and things are good. So yeah, I'm 41 and next year (hopefully) I'll be 42.

Anyway, the evening was an exercise in patience as Giulia decided to throw yet another fit because she didn't like what she had to wear. I don't understand this behavior. Was I ever like this? I remember my big tantrums coming from when my mother insisted I stop playing whatever fun game I had going on at the moment to go attend catechism - the curse for many young children who could care less about bible study, but who come from Catholic families. Boring! I used to throw the biggest fits about that. But never did I pitch a fit about clothes at 7 years old. I know I have thrown my own adult style tantrums in the privacy of my own room about the many assorted clothes that wouldn't fit, were out of fashion, last pair of decent tights. The few times I want to be a bit dressy I always seem to wait until the last moment to realize I don't have something I need pressed, coordinated and ready to go. Giulia marches to the beat of her own drum though. I try to stay cool, but on my birthday I had no patience. Damnit, I just wanted to think about myself for once in a very long while! But we as parents are not allowed to do that - no matter what. So against your better judgment you allow your children to come with you to your birthday dinner because hell - in future they won't be begging and insisting that they go with you anywhere. I'll take this attention now even if in doses we do need our adult nights out. We have plenty of those, we're certainly not wanting.

So one of my many monsters as a parent is "impatience". There's also ANGER. That's the big one. As I sit there with "Adventures of Gentle Discipline" in my hand and the mantra "empathy and respect" beating a drum in my head - I still manage to yell at my kids. Anger - I have lots to deal with in that regard and no idea how to do it. More on my monsters later.