Insomnia Blues Part IV
Random thoughts, random thoughts. The brain working overload and as I wake up for my nightly stumble to the bathroom, I crawl back into bed and then find that my eyes aren't cooperating and instead remain wide open. After tossing around for 30 minutes, I decide to give up and open my computer instead.
Giulia has it tonight too and we keep each other silent company - she sitting next to me reading as I write. I think she is a bit worried because Steve leaves this morning for a week in Paris. It's our longest separation in quite some time and definitely our longest since we've had three children. He's going for our agency, signing up new properties for the launching of properties in Paris (and Barcelona) to our website in February. She's worried that he won't wake her to say goodbye since he is leaving so early.
Had a great day with my friend Rebecca who came down from Assisi. We went to the Gauguin exhibit (finally!), had lunch at a trendoid cafe called Gina and made a mad dash by taxi for the train which she almost missed. I really like Rebecca and I think how nice it would be if we lived closer, but not possible. And I'm envious of Rebecca and her Umbrian idyll and the fact that she has so many close Italian girlfriends, and even though I feel well-assimilated here I will never be as assimilated as she is.
Besides revisiting the day, what are the things we think about in those deep and dark moments of the morning? It's never the same. This time, I was thinking about Steve and hoping that all goes well and he returns safe and sound. Anytime he is out of our time zone I dread that he will suffer some horrible accident and I'll be left alone with three young children and a business that has a million components to it that are in his hands. Don't laugh - it has happened to many, many others. We are such fragile creatures on this earth, and yet we have constructed so many things around us that can squash us like bugs. And yes, I do think about these things. Steve has always jokingly said I have a list called "The 1001 Things I Worry About". Even after all these years, he is surprised when he learns about a new worry that he hasn't heard before.
Random thoughts, random thoughts - what else? I really need to improve my Italian. I can give birth, buy my groceries, talk shop, bitch someone out, chit chat on the bus and do a million little things, but have gotten lazy in my vocabulary and my grammar. Sometimes I wonder whether or not we are in the right place and that for all the assimilation I will never feel any sense of true belonging. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ready to leave - I like Italy for many, many reasons, and I never felt like I belonged in the US either, but it was different. For one, I have found no Italian kindred spirits - no matter how fluent I am. This sends me down a path of musings about other things that I think about in regards to our future here with children, but I'll explain another time.
And of course, to top off the random thoughts there is always the mental laundry list of all the things I have to do this week. Exhausting and boring.
Okay, enough for now - I think I feel sleepy again.
Giulia has it tonight too and we keep each other silent company - she sitting next to me reading as I write. I think she is a bit worried because Steve leaves this morning for a week in Paris. It's our longest separation in quite some time and definitely our longest since we've had three children. He's going for our agency, signing up new properties for the launching of properties in Paris (and Barcelona) to our website in February. She's worried that he won't wake her to say goodbye since he is leaving so early.
Had a great day with my friend Rebecca who came down from Assisi. We went to the Gauguin exhibit (finally!), had lunch at a trendoid cafe called Gina and made a mad dash by taxi for the train which she almost missed. I really like Rebecca and I think how nice it would be if we lived closer, but not possible. And I'm envious of Rebecca and her Umbrian idyll and the fact that she has so many close Italian girlfriends, and even though I feel well-assimilated here I will never be as assimilated as she is.
Besides revisiting the day, what are the things we think about in those deep and dark moments of the morning? It's never the same. This time, I was thinking about Steve and hoping that all goes well and he returns safe and sound. Anytime he is out of our time zone I dread that he will suffer some horrible accident and I'll be left alone with three young children and a business that has a million components to it that are in his hands. Don't laugh - it has happened to many, many others. We are such fragile creatures on this earth, and yet we have constructed so many things around us that can squash us like bugs. And yes, I do think about these things. Steve has always jokingly said I have a list called "The 1001 Things I Worry About". Even after all these years, he is surprised when he learns about a new worry that he hasn't heard before.
Random thoughts, random thoughts - what else? I really need to improve my Italian. I can give birth, buy my groceries, talk shop, bitch someone out, chit chat on the bus and do a million little things, but have gotten lazy in my vocabulary and my grammar. Sometimes I wonder whether or not we are in the right place and that for all the assimilation I will never feel any sense of true belonging. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ready to leave - I like Italy for many, many reasons, and I never felt like I belonged in the US either, but it was different. For one, I have found no Italian kindred spirits - no matter how fluent I am. This sends me down a path of musings about other things that I think about in regards to our future here with children, but I'll explain another time.
And of course, to top off the random thoughts there is always the mental laundry list of all the things I have to do this week. Exhausting and boring.
Okay, enough for now - I think I feel sleepy again.
posted by lomalinda at
04:54
4 Comments:
I definitely know what you mean about life in the US and Italy, and I hope you find kindred spirits near you, too, friends definitely help :)
Hope you've had some rest by now... aw, a week will fly by :)
I miss you! I was just reading that tired email but that sounded so like you. So like you. Just freaked me out. I could hear your voice in my head. Anyway, all's I wanted to say is don't be too hard on yourself about the vocabularly. I can barely speak American. xo
Oh, and by "tired" I meant you sounded tired, not that it was "tired" like in that Bronxian put-down way. I loved it.
See you soon!
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