I Heart You

I'll let you in on a corny secret: Steve and I really dig Valentine's Day. We like to take this day and be special and romantic. This has gotten increasingly more difficult with each subsequent child so those moments of romance are few and far between, but Steve has still got it! Past Valentine's Day surprises have been trips to Venice, Paris, Bagno Vignoni in Tuscany, a hand engraved leather bound journal with melt-my-heart sentiments and my personal favorite - a Telepass. This year Steve decided to starve our family for the next several months and made an unbelievable purchase - a painting by Spanish artist, Maria Angeles Vila Tortosa. Here is an example of one of her paintings:
My painting is a bit different - two pieces instead of one, but the use of color and design is similar. We had thought to purchase it a few months ago, and Fabio, the owner of il Sole said we could pay in installments. Before we left for Colorado in December, Steve told me the painting had been sold. Sneaky, sneaky.

My new friend Nona had the following meme on a recent post and I decided that it was an appropriate one for this day of San Valentino. This one's for you, Steve as I know your memory isn't quite what it used to be!

1. Where / how did you meet?

I was living with a loser boyfriend, Scott. Scott and I used to have an industrial noise performance art group called Trenchfoot. Some examples of performances: a feminist rant shouted through a megaphone, wearing a wedding dress and veil while smashing glass bottles in a metal garbage can, having eggs broken on my head to name but a few. Scott worked at an independent music shop in Colorado Springs and Steve and his best friend Chris were interested in our project. One day when they were at the shop talking to Scott, I walked in for a visit. Steve said he was transfixed - that with my Louise Brooks style blue/black bob haircut, '60's black leather button-up jacket with an A-line cut, tights and chunky boots - I looked like a very cute bell.

I had seen Steve before at a local dance club. He had been playing pool and I thought he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I was always faithful to loser boyfriend, but looking at Steve that night made me seriously contemplate, however briefly, life without that boyfriend.

2. How long have you known each other?

We've known each other for about 17 years.

3. How long after you met did you start dating?

Scott and I broke up and then Steve and best friend Chris preferred hanging out with me. Steve was my shoulder to cry on and during that time we had many long conversations on the phone - he's always been a great listener and offers amazing and pertinent advice. (I always thought he should have been a psychologist.) He did have ulterior motives though as he essentially made the moves on me shortly after the break up - Georges Bataille's "Story of the Eye" having a lot to do with those moves made. He was 16 years old and I was 23, but believe me, he was no innocent babe.

4. How long did you date before you were engaged?

Steve and I have a long and tumultuous history. We were together for about 2 years before I started cheating on him. I don't know what it was exactly - I had huge self-esteem issues back then and was generally a very depressed person. I started to feel contempt for Steve and wanted to reject him. I needed to feed my ego by demanding undying love from any guy that I found attractive and had sex with. It was a definite downward spiral. Anyway, after one too many affairs - Steve started having his own and our relationship blew up like a volcano. We ended it, but always managed to stay in touch.

While we were apart, Steve fell in love with a Norwegian girl he had met on his initial travels through Europe. He moved to Washington DC with best friend Chris and then Steve's plan was to stay there long enough to earn enough money before heading to Paris and then Rome where he had agreed to meet Norwegian girl. Shortly after his arrival in Rome, their relationship immediately imploded and they broke up. Steve had no money and no real ambition so decided to hang out in Rome working odd jobs, learning Italian and writing a novel about his experience.

I had been living in Denver and dating the most adorable Irish guy ever. I loved him, but he clearly couldn't return the sentiment so I looked for that emotion elsewhere. Life in Denver was going nowhere. I ended up moving to LA to follow a guy named Eric who was an industrial music distributor living out of a warehouse in Whittier (East LA). Our relationship lasted only a few days before we realized we were completely unsuitable for each other. He was cool about it though and allowed me to continue living with him rent free while I got my feet on the ground and found a job and an apartment. After a few temporary job stints I found a permanent position at the Writers Guild of America.

The job at the WGA allowed me a form of stability I hadn't had in a very long time and it was a very responsible position. I was able to get back on my feet financially and get my head sorted out. In the meantime, Steve and I had continued to stay in touch and there was always this ambiguousness as to whether or not there could ever be a future between us. Steve wanted to come out to LA to see me, but had decided once and for all to end our relationship - friendship and all. I didn't know this at the time - I thought he wanted to come out and give it another try! Strangely enough, I was actually resistant to him coming out to stay with me. This surprised a lot of girlfriends who knew how many, many nights I had spent bemoaning the fact that I had destroyed my one chance of happiness with my true soul mate (lots of tears, cigarettes, vodka & cranberry juice and meaningless sex accompanied these pity sessions). Yet I was finally in a good head space and was very fearful that I would go back into that darkness again.

Anyway, to wrap it up - he came to LA - we put all of our cards out on the table and after a complete detoxification and cleansing of our relationship we fell in love again.

5. How long was your engagement?

About a year.

6. How long have you been married?

9 years - 10th year coming up!

7. What is your anniversary?

5 September

8. How many people came to your wedding reception?

About 30.

9. What kind of cake did you serve?

Tiramisu

10. Where was your wedding?

We had to pay for the wedding and reception ourselves. We didn't have much money so a lot of it was DIY. We wanted a secular wedding so one of our good friends, Cynthia, who is a writer, became deputized by the State of California as an officiant and she wrote the ceremony. We wanted it to be outdoors so we chose a spot in the Pacific Palisades with an empty field upon cliffs with gorgeous views of the Pacific Ocean. We were not allowed to set anything up so a friend sang acappella and after the ceremony our guests threw rose petals at us. Afterwards, there was a long arduous drive back into Hollywood to one of our favorite restaurants called Farfalla for the reception.

11. What did you serve for the meal?

It was an Italian restaurant so a mix of various Italian dishes. I still have the menu we created somewhere in a box.

12. How many people were in your bridal party?

Just my oldest sister, Gladys, who was my matron of honor and our best friend Chris was Steve's best man.

13. Are you still friends with them all?

Well, yes. However, I am not friends with quite a few of the guests including a now former friend of the family. The only person from my family who came to the wedding was my sister, Gladys. Anyway, that's a whole other story!

14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony?

We both did.

15. Most special moment of your wedding day?

Exchanging our own vows. Kissing Steve after the "I do". Hearing Steve's father apologize for not being able to pay for the wedding. I felt bad that he felt bad. Kind of a weird special moment, but I knew it took a lot for him to say that.

16. Any funny moments?

Chris drunkenly recounting how Steve had always intended "to get me" and that in the end he did.

17. Any big disasters?

Uggh - lots of disasters unfortunately, but are now thankfully colored in pastels after all this time. My brother-in-law was a huge pain. My friend who sang at our wedding was stoned from the moment she landed at LAX - one particular highlight included almost burning our apartment building down. She was annoying beyond words and her complete lack of consideration and monstrous amount of egotism during that time essentially ended our friendship. Because of all the stress from my brother-in-law and friend, I ended up getting a cramped and bloated stomach and was essentially in agony for the entire reception and couldn't enjoy the delicious food.

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon?

We went to Rome and Samos in the Greek islands.

19. How long were you gone?

About 2 weeks.

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?

We would have certainly done it in Rome on the Campidoglio like we had originally wanted. I wouldn't have procrastinated on getting my wedding dress and would have gone with my first choice instead - a cute Ann Taylor A-line (one of my favorite cuts). And I would have plucked my f**king eyebrows!

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

If you're in the bed - on the left.

22. What size is your bed?

California King which we need to trade in for a European king so I can get new fitted sheets for it finally!

23. Greatest strength as a couple?

Our ability to communicate. It's not easy for couples to be in business together and we really do work well together. We've been on the same page a lot when it comes to our children and when we haven't been we've been able to talk about it. We've been through some serious ups and downs, but have always managed to work it out. We are each others biggest fans.

24. Greatest challenge as a couple?

Money issues

25. Who literally pays the bills?

I used to in Los Angeles and now Steve does. Neither one of us really likes this arrangement, but our accounting here is such a mess that he is the only one who understands the system he's created.

26. What is your song?

I used to have lots of songs that reminded me of Steve when we were broken up - lots of Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, Chris Isaak, etc. However, we didn't ever have a particular song together. We did have a couple of movies that were ours - Woody Allen's "Manhattan" and the movie "Singles".

27. What did you dance your first dance to?

We didn't.

28. Describe your wedding dress.

It was a BCBG dress that I bought sight unseen. I had to take it to a seamstress as it was completely transparent and showed EVERYTHING! She sewed in a slip, but didn't attach it at the bottom so with the two silky materials the top part kept sliding up every time I walked. It was essentially a disaster dress.

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?

Calla lilies

30. Are your wedding bands engraved?

No. Mine is a duplicate of a 1940's platinum band I saw at an antique ring store on Melrose. Steve managed to get a photograph taken of it and my brother's friend who is a jeweler made an exact replica of it using white gold and charged us only for the materials and a bit for labor. I got my $1,500 ring for about $300. Steve's is just a simple white gold band.

Happy Valentine's Day!