Holistic Moms
So for a while I've been wanting to meet and get together with other like-minded women here in Rome - women who were interested in environmental issues, natural parenting, social justice and spirituality. Women with whom I could talk about these things and who wouldn't look at me like I was a kook. A group of women who could at least understand and not think anything was wrong with the fact that I nursed Paloma until she was 3 years old and that Viola is at 2 years and counting. A group of women who wouldn't think the fact that my daughters don't drink Coke or Fanta and that we have no television reception is not bordering on child abuse. A group of women whom mentioning yoga, meditation, Buddhism and the fact that I want my children to learn more about the Jewish half of their cultural heritage would not immediately cause unease or eye-rolling. With this in mind, I decided to create a group called Holistic Moms.
On Monday, seven women I know came to our house to discuss their reasons for wanting to be part of a group like this. We each have our own degrees of "greenness", but my main goal is not make anyone feel excluded. I don't want to be militant - just educational, informative, social and pro-active. Community seems to be even more important to me now especially not being in the U.S. where perhaps it is very easy to create. There's a group, a magazine or some kind of commercial endeavor for any kind of interest you can imagine. It's not the same here.
Yet like-minded or not - I often feel like an outsider. For the most part at 41 years old, I don't care much what others think. I sometimes fantasize what it would be like to run into all those old boyfriends/lovers/unreciprocated loves now and how self-assured and confident I would imagine myself to be! However, with my own gender, the ol' self-esteem can take a real beating and I'm transported back to the 17 year old Linda who thanks to affirmative action and decent grades got a place in the freshman class of 1984 at Colorado College - a private and expensive liberal arts college in Colorado Springs. How young and naive I was! How ambitious and ready to tackle the future I felt!
Yet it wasn't meant to be. My father died. My mother lost control. My sisters and brother turned into grey in the background and I just wanted to dance every night, talk with friends and kiss boys. We all deal with grief in our own way and I felt the need to get away. In addition, my first class at Colorado College - "Western Political Tradition" had me quaking in my boots with intimidation. Plato? Aristotle? St. Augustine? Descartes? I was thinking, "Who the hell are these guys??" My 4 years at Widefield High School - a low to middle income high school - had me ill-prepared to go rounds with my prep school counterparts. To put it bluntly, I felt stupid.
So last night was a meeting of the book club I've belonged to for the past few years comprised of other mothers from my daughters' school, and those 17 year old Linda feelings came back. All I could think of on the way home was, "I had nothing of value or interest to say." "I am gauche and dowdy, unpolished, out of shape and frumpy." I went home and did what I don't do very often these days, I cried. It's those moments of crying to yourself in the early hours of the morning when even though the house is full with the breathing and the night noises of four other people - a mother can really feel completely alone.
On Monday, seven women I know came to our house to discuss their reasons for wanting to be part of a group like this. We each have our own degrees of "greenness", but my main goal is not make anyone feel excluded. I don't want to be militant - just educational, informative, social and pro-active. Community seems to be even more important to me now especially not being in the U.S. where perhaps it is very easy to create. There's a group, a magazine or some kind of commercial endeavor for any kind of interest you can imagine. It's not the same here.
Yet like-minded or not - I often feel like an outsider. For the most part at 41 years old, I don't care much what others think. I sometimes fantasize what it would be like to run into all those old boyfriends/lovers/unreciprocated loves now and how self-assured and confident I would imagine myself to be! However, with my own gender, the ol' self-esteem can take a real beating and I'm transported back to the 17 year old Linda who thanks to affirmative action and decent grades got a place in the freshman class of 1984 at Colorado College - a private and expensive liberal arts college in Colorado Springs. How young and naive I was! How ambitious and ready to tackle the future I felt!
Yet it wasn't meant to be. My father died. My mother lost control. My sisters and brother turned into grey in the background and I just wanted to dance every night, talk with friends and kiss boys. We all deal with grief in our own way and I felt the need to get away. In addition, my first class at Colorado College - "Western Political Tradition" had me quaking in my boots with intimidation. Plato? Aristotle? St. Augustine? Descartes? I was thinking, "Who the hell are these guys??" My 4 years at Widefield High School - a low to middle income high school - had me ill-prepared to go rounds with my prep school counterparts. To put it bluntly, I felt stupid.
So last night was a meeting of the book club I've belonged to for the past few years comprised of other mothers from my daughters' school, and those 17 year old Linda feelings came back. All I could think of on the way home was, "I had nothing of value or interest to say." "I am gauche and dowdy, unpolished, out of shape and frumpy." I went home and did what I don't do very often these days, I cried. It's those moments of crying to yourself in the early hours of the morning when even though the house is full with the breathing and the night noises of four other people - a mother can really feel completely alone.
posted by lomalinda at
09:40
2 Comments:
Linda,
I have two comments. The good news is, the older you get (I'm 54) the less you'll care! The second comment is that perhaps you're in the wrong book group! The United Nations Women's Club book group meets one Monday a month. I've gone before without even reading the book! No one seems to judge you on what you say, don't say or how intellectual you sound... Over all a nice group of women who have often lived in many third-world countries where they or their husbands have worked on social projects. I like them. I'd be glad to give you more info if you'd like.
Hi Diane, many thanks for your comments. Don't get me wrong - the women in my book club are wonderful and no one is judgmental. It's my own hang-ups and insecurities which normally keep below the surface, but every once in a while, float up and out! I'm always interested in meeting new people though. Could you send me more information about the club? Thanks!
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