Girl, you'll be a woman soon

Giulia's breasts have started to develop. Giulia is growing breasts. Both sentences sound so awkward to me. My little girl who just barely turned 8 years old is already starting down the path to womanhood - I can't even write that without cringing. It began in late July when during a bath time she yelled out to me to come and feel something. She said she had a bump and that it was under her right nipple. I felt it and immediately thought "tumor" - not breast tissue!, but then the realistic side of me took over and thought - could it be???? NO!! Part of me was in denial - how could this be happening, she's just turning 8 years old in August - she still asks me to wipe her bottom sometimes for goodness sake!

So we had analysis done - her body age is actually 9-10 years old, her estrogen levels are elevated - yes, she's on her way, and apparently in two years or less she'll be having her menstrual cycle. I'm still in denial, hoping that it will stop for a time and start up again later - later when she's ready, when I'M ready. It's just too early. Early, said the pediatrician, but not premature - so we have to let nature take it's course.

But is it really nature that has started her down this path so early? I can't help thinking of all the non-organic milk, meat and cheese she ate in the first four years of life before we went completely organic - of all the bottled water we drank here for years before switching to filtered water - of Rome in general - certainly not the cleanest city in the world. I can beat myself up, but nothing is stopping her body from moving on.

In a bizarre way it is a relief. It's a relief because for the past year or so, Giulia was behaving in ways Steve and I could not understand. Fits of temper, drama, histrionics. There were times when I thought to myself, "If I didn't know any better, I would say she was PMSing." Now it all makes sense and unbelievably, I can understand her better now. I can sympathize, I have more patience.

Giulia started losing her teeth when she was 6 years old and the tooth fairy came each time and left a little something for her. The tooth fairy even wrote a note to her one time when Giulia asked her for her name. Giulia lost her latest tooth recently and last night she came up to me and asked, "Mommy, does the tooth fairy exist?" I know I probably looked like a deer caught in the headlights - in my head I was thinking "No, not now, don't let it start this way, ask me something else!" But when she asked me again and added - "Tell me the truth." I had no choice. She took it quite well actually, but that fleeting, but visible glimpse of sheer and utter disappointment on her face will always haunt me. How many other myths will shatter one by one for my baby? I want to keep the magic alive for her, but I can't lie to her either, and so the journey down that path to adulthood begins in more ways than one.